Snow days, middle school pose challenges
Responses to my Jan. 29 column on snow days:
Q. As a parent, I reacted to your column about remote snow days much like the teen who wrote to you. When I was a teen, we did have days off for snow, but they weren’t like today. My brother and I would wake up to listen to the radio and then go back to bed when our school was cancelled. Then we’d play in the snow, eat the good food our mom made, and watch TV in our PJs all day. My mom didn’t work, so there was no hardship with her being home with us. I guess it was a different time. Thanks for the memories. – Mom who misses snow days too
Q. I really connected with your column last week! I love the way you answered the teen. I’m one of those parents who dreads FIDs. My daughter is 11 and has ADHD. It’s a constant battle to keep her focused on the screen. Plus I needed to take vacation days to stay home with her, and I prefer taking those days in the summer at the beach! Since I’m emailing you, can you give me some insight into what’s coming for her? My friends with older daughters tell me middle school is brutal, friendship wise. Is there anything I can do to help her? She has a few friends, but her inability to concentrate for long periods of time seems to hold her back. I remember my own 6th and 7th grades and they weren’t much fun. Thank you.
Mary Jo’s Response: I heard from several parents and teachers. I think it’s universal – snow days are challenging. Your other question is an excellent one. Middle school can indeed be challenging. I use an older book in my Ed Psych class – Rachel Simmons’ “Odd Girl Out.” The author interviews adult women and queries them about their middle school years. She discovered stories of cliques, fractured friendships, and social challenges that resonate into adulthood.
I spent over 40 years teaching puberty education. Here are some hints for helping your daughter manage those socially challenging years:
Prepare her. Teach her about the ways her body will change, both emotionally and physically. There are several great books about growing up that may help you. My book, “Nonnie Talks about Puberty,” is out of print right now, but if you ask, I can get a copy for you. I also like the American Girl series book, “The Care and Keeping of You.” Read with her so you can answer questions.
Enlarge her social circle. If your daughter is involved in social experiences outside of school, she will have a chance to make friends who are not caught up in the in-school cliques. Girl Scouts is a great choice; I was a Girl Scout leader for 13 years! Voice or dance lessons can build connections with other children her age. Community sports like soccer or softball not only would help her grow character but also expose her to a new friend group. Youth groups at your church or synagogue are good places for kids to meet out of school friends.
Keep communication open. Reassure her. She may be changing, but your love for her is unconditional.
I hope all goes smoothly. The social piece typically sorts itself out by high school. Be strong for her and let her know you’re there for her.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.