Thanksgiving has its challenges
Q. I used to love Thanksgiving. I love the food (well, not the cranberry sauce, but everything else), and I love my family getting together. Maybe I should say I LOVED my family getting together. Ever since last year’s elections, it’s like they hate each other. My mom won’t talk with her brother and his wife; my dad is angry with his sister. And both my parents are always fighting about politics, too. Can’t we have holidays where we leave their disagreements outside? Maybe they’ll read your column and wise up. Hint – I want you to tell them they should get along! I don’t just feel bad for me. My gramma is almost 80 and I can tell their fighting is upsetting her. – 13-year-old
Mary Jo: I feel for you. There’s nothing easy about holidays when people don’t get along. I believe in communication and compromise. In my experience, people who believe strongly about something will not change their minds through arguments or verbal persuasion. For the sake of the family, I hope these adults decide upon a truce during the holiday.
In other words, my friend, I do suggest the grownups in your family wise up. Life is short and a day will come when some members of the family are no longer alive. Enjoy their presence now. Your gramma has earned peace and love and kindness. Thank you for leading the way.
Q. I just finished my first semester at college. I became a vegan while away. My family are huge meat eaters. I don’t want them to change the Thanksgiving menu, but I would really appreciate it if my choices are respected. I don’t need them to make me anything special, I just want to be left alone. Can you print this please? I can almost hear my dad saying, “It’s just a fad. Eat the turkey!” It’s not a fad. I just want to be respected. – 18-year-old
Mary Jo: Revealing changes and personal choices to family can be challenging. I suggest you do so respectfully. You’re already on the way to compromise by stating you don’t need anything special. You’re certainly old enough to create a dish you can eat – if it’s tasty, the family may enjoy it. Try not to be self-righteous. This is your choice, but please do not judge the “meat-eaters” in your family. Making life choices is part of adulting. You have the right to select this type of diet but be kind. Good luck.
Q. I’m sure you’ve had this question many times before. Our parents divorced last year. My younger brother and I are dreading the holidays. We will be splitting them. We’re with our mom for Thanksgiving and our dad for Christmas. I know they’re better apart than together. I get that. But we both feel they could pretend for two days. We loved holidays with our parents and now that’s ruined, too. Should we pretend? Act like everything is OK when it’s not? We’ll miss the parent we’re not with. At least we will be attending these functions together. – 14-year-old
Mary Jo: Divorce is hard. Change is hard. When they go together, it is especially challenging. I feel for you and your brother. I’m glad you have each other and you are united. I recommend honesty. Talk with both your parents. Tell them how you feel. If possible, could you spend a little time with each of them on each holiday? It may not be perfect, but it would help you adjust. Try to make the most of the holiday and enjoy your family in its new form.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.