Don鈥檛 change who you are to fit in
Q. Is it possible to re-invent myself in high school? I’m excited about leaving middle school – it sucked. I couldn’t find friends. I’m a writer and a poet at heart. I hope to hide those facets of my personality going forward, so I’m not made fun of so much. If no one knows me as I am, maybe I’ll fit in. I also am moving to a new school district because my parents bought a new home. They were worried about me moving schools, but I’m thrilled about it. I want very much to go somewhere where I can start fresh. I want people to meet me who don’t know me. Can I become someone new? – 14-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Life is about growing and changing. We change friendships, we change interests, and we ultimately settle into the person we want to be in the life path we choose. However, we should not silence who we truly are in the process.
Let me explain. I applaud anyone’s plan to become a better person. Maturing is an important part of youth. You should attempt new challenges, try out new ideas, and study toward goals that give you joy. However, you should not try to change the essence of who you are – your core self. You can grow and enhance who you are, while remaining true to yourself.
I love that you’re a writer and a poet at heart. We need both in our culture. It’s not OK that revealing this vital aspect of your personality caused mockery at your old school. That was wrong. Not only do I not want you to hide these facets of your personality, my wish is for you to connect with others – both peers and adults – who value your contributions.
Friendships created with falsehoods will not last, nor will they bring true satisfaction and joy.
Have you considered reinventing your self-confidence instead of reinventing yourself? Be who you are and add belief in your worth. You are a person of great worth. Shuttering your voice would be a loss, not only to you but to those who would benefit from your ideas and talent.
In your new school, be kind, listen to others, and be aware of friendships. Be selective. Find your people. A few excellent friends are better than many superficial acquaintances. Connect with an English teacher who values creative writing and poetry. Find a trusted adult mentor.
Our Common Ground Teen Center hosts a Creative Writing Club on Thursday nights. Please join us. We’re at 92 N. Main St. in Washington. If you’re not local, you may join virtually. The group is creating our fourth anthology right now. An anthology is a collection of teens’ original works: poems, stories, non-fiction, art, photography and even jpegs of sculptures/artwork. We are gathering submissions by Aug. 15, and any teen can participate. I publish the anthologies to provide a first real publication for young people. Authors receive a copy, and the book will be on Amazon, along with our first three anthologies: “The Magical Basement of the Traveling Shrimp,” “The Coloring Book of Giant Zesty Bees,”and “Between Aphrodite and a Baby Penguin.” You may submit your pieces to me via email, but I hope you will be able to attend our Thursday meetings.
Be yourself, my friend. It is wonderful to seek growth; please do not silence your voice to fit in. Good luck in high school.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.